Lux's Story Part 2 | Labor: they ain't joking, it’s WORK.

*Trigger warning* much of my experience with my labor and delivery would be considered traumatic and can sound very scary. If you are still pregnant and prone to anxieties please skip this blog until you have had your own experience. 

My dream labor was to be at home, surrounded by candles, in a birthing pool, with music I love, a midwife who respects my needs and my body and being unmedicated… unfortunately that wasn't gonna happen for me. I knew early on that they were going to induce me. I did all that I could to try and induce labor on my own, but it didn't work. In fact it ended up taking a long time even with inducing me. 

This is not a typical induction story. Trust me I have heard many of them, mine is unique though (lol) so please don't fear that your induction will go the way mine did. I tell this not to scare anyone. Rather, I tell this story to remind myself of the work I did. The work only I could do. And how proud I am to have gone through it. And how incredibly necessary it was to have the support that I did have. 

Before I get into the induction, we had a false alarm on Christmas Eve because I was feeling intense contractions and timing them and my app was telling me to head to the hospital. Turned out it wasn't the time and Chuck didn't want to say anything but he was glad our kid didn't have to share his birthday with a holiday. Personally I didn't care haha! I was DONE with being pregnant. In fact whenever anyone asked how I was in the last three weeks of pregnancy my answer was always, "done with being pregnant."

On Wednesday Jan 5 early in the morning I received a phone call from the hospital saying they wanted me in at around noon that day so that they could get us started with the induction. I was 39 weeks that day. We grabbed all our bags that were already packed (and Chuck is going to follow up with a post about what you SHOULD bring with you to the hospital, because we forgot some things and didn't have enough of others). We headed off to the hospital, got admitted and ended up in the antepartum department.  

My first step was to take a pill every four hours for  24 hours in hopes that would get me started. They had to monitor the heartbeat on and off, but the baby kept moving out of position, so it was a long time of just trying to not move too much so that they could hear the baby was ok. In the grand scheme of things this was the most comfortable portion of the whole event, but definitely not for chuck. He was given no pillows, just folded up blankets and a tiny love-seat to sleep on haha. Poor guy. 

We had started the pill at 4pm on Jan 5 so at 4pm on Jan 6 we were moved to the birthing centre and into the room where our baby would arrive. I was so excited when I saw the warming table with all the blankets and little hat that would be on him. I was just so so excited to see his face.

We started with the Foley. If you don't know what that is please look it up, all I can say, things got intense immediately lol. Contractions were not too horrible to handle but I was getting very tired from lack of good sleep for the past couple of days. When my cervix opened enough they broke my waters. And they asked me if I wanted to start the synthetic oxytocin or if I wanted to start with the epidural or fentanyl. I decided that I should just get going with the epidural. My dream was to do it unmedicated, but knowing that we were not going to be able to get things moving without the synthetic oxytocin and knowing how painful that could be, I realized that I didn't need to make this harder on myself.  

So they called in the anesthesiologist to get the epidural started. The first guy was kind and careful and communicated well with me. Unfortunately he was running into some issues with administering the epidural so they called another guy in. They told me he was a “Wiz” at epidurals, that he was the best there was and that I would be in good hands. The man walked in, barely spoke to me and started administering the epidural. I could feel him scraping against my bone. I would say ow and he said that was normal. I felt a pop on my right side and he said that was ok. I felt another pop and he said that's good, that's what they wanted to hear. They then laid me down and started testing whether I could feel the ice they pressed against my legs. I found out that I couldn't move my right foot. The first anesthesiologist came back in and said that they went too far in with the epidural. He said they gave me the dose that was meant for a c-section so I had to wait for it to wear off and the feeling to go back into my legs before they could start the induction. 

This experience scared me so I decided to move ahead with fentanyl instead. They said while the epidural takes away 90% of the pain, fentanyl takes about 60%. So I figured what's that 30% difference really going to give me anyways? Turns out it’s a WHOLE lot. They started with the induction and slowly throughout the next couple of hours I started to feel more and more intense pain. To the point that I was yelling in pain. And I am not one to be loud in public when I am in pain… The doctor came in and was telling me that I wasn't having a contraction as I was yelling in severe pain. I couldn't even talk to him to tell him how dumb he must be to think I was screaming just for the fun of it. Chuck had to really step up to advocate for me here. He got them to stop the synthetic oxytocin and we decided to try the epidural again. 

I want to take a minute right now to talk about how important of a support Chuck was for me.  He would grab me whatever I needed. And even though this was hours in at this point he was by my side EVERY time someone came in to check on me. He knew about my anxiety when it comes to doctors and medical staff due to past traumas that have happened to me. So he was my protector and when they weren't hearing or listening to me or my requests he would repeat them for me. He was my advocate and my partner through this. The nurses even spoke about how much he was involved and how refreshing it was to see. I got MEGA lucky with this guy folks. 

The second epidural worked. And despite all the things I just said above, I did let Chuck know that I was leaving him for my epidural remote. It's this button you get to press every ten minutes if you need more of this lovely drug to make the pain go far far away. He understood. In fact he had a great time noting down all the weird things I was saying, thanks to the fentanyl-epidural cocktail I was enjoying. Needless to say, he was well entertained!

We had to wait 24 hours at this point for my cervix to fully dilate. It seems that my body just didn't seem to want to let this baby out! Finally in the early morning hours of Jan 8th I was told that we were going to start pushing. 

But first they had to turn him inside me. He wasn't facing the right way. They were able to do this thankfully quickly and I am not even sure if I felt it. I must have. The epidural was great haha.

At this point it had been over 24 hours since my bungled epidural (the first one), and I was feeling the effects of what we later found out was a Post Epidural Puncture migraine. I had horrible pain in my shoulders and neck and I asked to be able to push on my side. The doctor on call said I couldn't go on my side. This was so frustrating to hear because I knew it wasn't true. Not only did my doula prepare me and let me know I could deliver in any position that I wanted, my OB GYN who worked in the same hospital that I was delivering in told me the same. So hearing the doctor ignore my requests was super disheartening. Being who I am, I decided to give pushing on my back a good go. But I asked for some ice for my neck and shoulders. I pushed for a while on my back. I eventually had to kick my doctor out, for two reasons: 1) because he was a man and I have a lot of difficulty with men in positions of authority; 2) he dared to tell me that I wasn't pushing when clearly I was. I said I wanted a woman to deliver my baby. Lol. Guess my normal timidity around men went away in this situation lol!

Finally they agreed to let me lie on my side. Two pushes and suddenly they were impressed with how fast the baby was progressing. It's almost like I was right and knew what my body needed to do. (I swear I'm not bitter… *she says sarcastically*). 

Even though I was doing well pushing on my side they still said I would have to deliver on my back. Again I knew this wasn't true. Heck I photographed a woman giving birth on her hands and knees. Giving birth on your back is very difficult for some women. But it is the easiest position for the doctors so some doctors will try to influence women to deliver on their back. 

By this time I was exhausted and the doctor was predicting another two hours of pushing on my side. He suggested a ventouse, and I just wanted to see my baby, I wanted to hold him and move on from this experience. So I said yes. 

Lux was born at 7:23am on Jan 8. He came with the sunrise and it was absolutely beautiful to see his little face. 

This experience could definitely be classified as traumatic. I was in labor for about 40 hours. And the recovery that followed due to some of the things that happened definitely also qualifies it as traumatic too. But I immediately focused on Lux. Meeting him, holding him, smelling him, marveling at how incredibly soft he was. Realizing this was the first newborn baby that I held in my arms that I could kiss. I haven't stopped kissing him at least 25 times a day since. I loved looking at his tiny features, watching Chuck swaddle him, seeing Chuck hold him against his chest. I focused on learning how to breastfeed him. I focused entirely on this beautiful gift that those nightmarish two nights gave me.

And recovery was hard. I will get into that next time. But I did recover. I did get better. And I can tell you now I don't remember the pain. I only remember Lux. And I only remember Chuck and how much he was there for me. 

Women and people who give birth are incredible creatures. Our strength is unmatched and I am immensely proud of making it through such an ordeal. 

And the gift at the end of it was incredibly worth it.